


in terror i pulled away from the void

by oldtune



Series: you are the keeper of your soul [2]
Category: Deltarune (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Mentions of Experimentation via Gaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 14:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17123141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldtune/pseuds/oldtune
Summary: it seems you have reached an end.





	in terror i pulled away from the void

.

* * *

.

They are surrounded by nothing but emptiness that rages and howls around them, angry that it cannot swallow them whole. There is a single road in front of them. Bleached of all color like bone, it burns itself into their eyesight so that when they blink it is layered in front of them, doubled and tripled until all they can see is white lines flickering in their vision. They try to move forward but they are weighed down. The panic rises in their chest and bursts because they can't hold it down, voice trapped in their throat, body unmoving.

A single gasp breaks through their mouth.

Kris sucks in a breath and then another and then another. Their body still feels oddly heavy and looking down they can see the polished shine of metal armor. It sits strangely against their shoulders and weighs against the rest of their body. But that's not it.

 _Let go_ , they say.

The other has their hands in their chest, twisted around their own soul and they're holding it so tightly Kris can almost feel the pain. They can't really but it still echoes in their chest, a dull feedback, washed out and colorless. They hate it. They can't hear them anymore and it's enough to make static fuzz shiver to life in the back of their head, an almost panic.

 ** _Let go_** , they say.  _You're hurting._

I̵̼̻̭͍̖'̣̤̜̞͇̤͉ͅm̫̭̰͕̱̕ ̲̮s̷̤͝͠o̶̫͎̩͙̘͔̮ͅr҉̠̤͖̗̞͉͔͘͜r̺͔̠͖͢y̶̖͉̖̪͖ ͎̖—̛҉̪ ͚̪̞̮̜͘͝I̡̮͈̹͖̪͈̪̭͓

_Breathe. **Breathe** , c'mon._

They take control and gasp through the next inhale. The exhale comes out exaggeratedly slow, as they force themself to adhere to a rhythm. The static dies down and the panic ebbs.  _I'm sorry_ , they say again.  _I'm sorry I didn't mean to_ – and Kris presses a hand to their mouth. They go silent immediately. They've let go of their soul and Kris thinks of soft things, steady things, the warm embrace of a freshly dried sweater, the wind on their face in the morning, the strange plushness of moss underneath their fingers. They think it as hard as they can.

The other's soul seems to relax, losing some of the panic-tinged sharpness and pain.  _Thanks Kris_ , they say and the complicated tangle of apology and gratefulness is unfamiliar and familiar at the same time. Kris runs their hand against the cool metal of the armor they're wearing and the other settles down, moves their shoulders back a bit –  _Like this_ , they say quietly – and it feels less heavy now. They run their hands over the wooden sword strapped to their side with no little bemusement and then focus on the road ahead.

There's just one and they can't see the end of it, blinding white up to the point where it ends in gray shadow. Kris starts to walk. The other seems to recoil from the darkness and it's confusing. They've never been scared of the dark before.  _I'd forgotten_ , they whisper.  _This is not a darkness you know_. They go silent for a moment and then –  _Kris, be careful_.  _I don't want you to get hurt_. They give an affirmative. They don't want to get hurt either.

The road keeps going and they grow used to the sharp snap of armor against ground until the other projects amusement at them – when they shift again the sound is softened to a low dull noise.  _Watch your feet_ , they say. _Balance is important._

 _ **You**  watch_, replies Kris and very carefully doesn't smile at the feeling they ping back. For someone who holds themself like they expect a knife to the back or some sort of impending pain, they really are very soft. Their thoughts coil carefully around Kris, a low-level pulse of  _eyes open – stay vigilant, careful, careful, careful_.

There are eyes carved into the white stone walls they pass by, hollow and unseeing. The emptiness of them makes the other shift and their dread is a weight they swallow on their own, hidden deeply enough that Kris can't feel it. They won't allow themself to slip again. They can't. And when there's a sudden tug at Kris's chest like a barbed hook pulling and they surge forward and cover cover the flutter-beat of Kris's soul with their own steady red.

The first lash strikes their being, a line of white-hot pain but they can barely flinch back before their memory decides to work properly all of a sudden. Their HP drops like a stone and they stand unseeing, soul moving on autopilot to drag them forward out of the traps. The docter's games were always painful, weren't they?

Kris blinks back to awareness at the end of the white road with the other's clear minded directions still echoing in their head.  _I know this_ , and their voice wavers for only a moment before becoming strong again. A solid wall.  _Keep your soul inside you_ , they tell them.  _I can handle this kind of thing easily_. They cup Kris's hands around a bloom of white light and something shifts around them, like the weight of the world stamping itself onto their shoulders, the heavy cloak of reality resettling.

_Alright?_

Kris agrees and the tight-wound tension in their chest dissipates, replaced with purpose.  _I can handle this_ , comes the whisper, so faint they could've imagined hearing it. It doesn't exactly fill them with confidence but there is a well of knowledge the other holds and Kris trusts them. Hard not to when they share a body and the blunt honesty of their words rings out like a clear bell everytime they speak.

They would rather stay silent than lie, so Kris listens when they tell them to follow the footsteps, when they look at Susie and tell Kris there is something more to her, when they find Ralsei and listen to his story with distant recognition. The sword is comfortable in their shared grip, the armor easy to move in. They know how to fight, how to dodge and dance between blows. And not once, does Kris's soul leave their chest.

They do other things though, hug Ralsei and marvel at his incredible fluffiness, wear a silk ribbon in their hair, eat star-shaped berries from a tree and feel the sweetness fizz through their body and leave them lighter.  _What if this turns people into marshmallows?_  The other takes a bite.  _Worth it_ , they say and eat three more. Still, there is a sense of exhaustion thrumming through them and Kris is worried. They send reassurance through the connection, steady and strong.  _There is another beginning at each end here,_ they say.  _And_   _I'll keep starting until we reach our goal._

Interestingly enough, Lancer fills them with protectiveness rather than annoyance. His schemes are childish but clearly, he's doing his very best.  _That is a **baby**_ , says the other somewhat hysterically.  _We are fighting a baby._  When Susie leaves their group to join him there is a palpable sense of relief from the both of them. They can already tell she'll make sure nothing hurts him. Although at this point, the whole thing seems less like a dire quest with their lives at stake to Kris and more like a game. They solve puzzles and fight but no one gets hurt. They get lost in forests and take a nap, explore fields with dancing colors and marshmallow stars too high to reach.

It isn't until Kris finds themself in front of the same opponent for what must be the tenth time in a row that they start feeling something. A strain, a tiredness. The other's voice shifts in and out of their hearing, shivering with the same strange vibration that echoes when they wake up from nightmares.

 _S͈̤̣h҉̷̯̝̜͍i͔̤͙̗̱͜t̖̬̦͓̟͔͉̕,̶̫ͅ ̵̧̩̩̲͍̮̩̞̜̥s̹̩̣͇̪̩̭ͅḥ̴̢̨͈̲̻̳ͅi҉̜̻̭͓̱̲͖ţ̖̠̜̬ ̜̼̜̺̰̘̖Ị̢͓'͝҉̲m̴̛̦͇̹͞ ̗̝̗̻̕͠s̵̠̺̮̱͖̺̜o̟̙r̴ͅr̞̯̥͍͉͚y͏̯̯͎̩̙.̷̙̹̳̜͓̫̣̹͘͜ I҉̘͍̻̰̜ ̸̡̗͖͉c̶̺a̸̼n͍̠̬̜͚̕ ͖͓͙͟͟d͍̯͚̼o͚͓͕͙̟̤̘ ̵̥̪̞̹̮͈i̵̜͎̩̗͚͙̟͙̕ͅt͇͕̣,͠ I҉̘͍̻̰̜ ̸̡̗͖͉c̶̺a̸̼n͍̠̬̜͚̕_   _handle_   _t̴̺̼̞̙̬̫ͅh̴̨͍̹͙͎̗̘̲͙͟i̯̤̰͖̲̟͔s̩̝._

Kris blinks up at Clover.

All three of Clover's faces nod at them, her claws gleaming in the light and the crackle of magic clear in the air. The other's soul is pulled out the same way it has through every fight but squinting at it, Kris can see fault lines splintering across the red surface. They're focused hard enough that they forget to pay attention to the fight and when it shatters, they're watching. They stop breathing. Black blankets across their vision.

When they open their eyes again it's to an empty landscape of gray. The gray when the sun is behind clouds, pearl sheened and glowing. The ground underneath them is not ground but a slow shifting glass, deep gray one moment and silver the next. It breaks and comes back together with no sound, growing distant in their vision and coming so close they think it's right against their face. It makes their head spin wildly. They wheeze and shut their eyes tight, the image of shattering stamped behind their eyelids.

A hand settles lightly on their back and a voice counts.  _One two breathe in, three four breathe out._ Kris follows the slow rhythm, familiar and unhurried.  _Kris. Kris. It's alright._

They open their eyes some time later and its seconds between realizing they still have the sword in hand and knowing they know how to swing it now. The wooden blade cuts through the air with a swish and lands squarely on the other's head. There's a startled squeak, a sound completely at odds with what they were expecting. Wide red eyes meet their own as they startle backwards.

 _Hey what_ –

 _Don't **hey**  me_, they say furiously, swinging the sword with wild abandon.  _What **was**  that?_  _You were_   ** _hurt_**.

The other slips back and dodges because of course they do, one eye on the sword and the other on Kris.  _I was handling it_ , they say back, and there's that waver again.  _It wasn't that bad!_

Kris makes an unintelligible sound of pure fury and launches themself forward.

**_No! You shattered!_ **

**_I shatter all the time_** , comes the return and they both freeze in place, staring at each other.

 _Ah_ , they say backpedaling as fast as they can. _I mean_.

_What._

The other stops, freezes in place at the flat sound of their voice. Moments pass and they don't move, their arms wrapped tight around themself, eyes focused on some point at their feet. And then the words stumble out of their mouth, tripping over themselves in their haste to get out.

 _I mean I. It's normal okay? I've shattered often, and I can come back, it's easy. He ran tests and I'm practically, practically –_ they swallow and look to the side.  _Indestructible_ , they choke out. Like it hurts them to say. Like it.

Kris finds themself walking forward. The other doesn't look at them and looking up they can see the set of their chin forced into stillness, the trembling mouth and bitten lips. The gleam in their eyes. They drop their head against their shoulder and just. Just breathe. Silence reigns. They both calm down. The other's chin settles on top of their head and they let out a shaky sigh.

 _You shouldn't hurt_ , says Kris.

 _I don't want you to get hurt_ , they reply and their voice is weary but resolved. For a second, they feel much, much older than they are.

Kris jabs them in the side.

 _We're the same age_ , they mutter.

 _Month and a half_.

 _It doesn't count_.

 _Does too_.

 _Does not_.

 _Does too_.

 _Does_  –  _are you **distracting**  me_?

The other's laugh shakes through their body.

 _Hah,_ they say _. It worked_.

The gray around them lightens and they quiet. The end is done and a new start looms.

 _I'm sorry_ , they sigh.  _I'll do better this time_.

Kris glares up at them.

 ** _No_** , they say mulishly.  ** _I want you to not get hurt_**.

They go tellingly silent. Their reply is quiet, hesitant. Tinged with disbelief and Kris can feel their fury boiling through their veins but push it down because they don't want them to think they're mad at them. They're not. But if they ever find out who  _he_ is –

The ground breaks apart and Kris closes their eyes, trusting the landing. Clover watches them now with eyes that blink out of time.  _I'll try my best_ , rings soft in their ears and they stand steady. They [ACT]. They win. Ralsei rushes over to heal them, absolutely delighted and they give him a thumbs up.

Their next opponents are Susie and Lancer. It's more of a fun, overly complicated dance than a fight. Susie looks happy, eyes narrowed and smile wide. Lancer is easily convinced to not fight and when they pat his head, he beams up at them with a glowing smile. Kris resolves to never let anything happened to him. Their resolve is seconded then thirded by Susie who catches sight of the look in their eyes and plants her hands on her hips with her teeth bared in grin. It's a very intimidating grin. Lancer is impressed.

And then they reach the castle and get thrown in jail. Ralsei panics in a very contained manner. Kris…eats moss.  _You are horrible,_  comes their other's voice.  _You are a horrible gremlin and I don't know you_. Their HP is mossed out. Susie escapes from jail first and comes back a concerning amount of time later, holding a teary-eyed Lancer tightly in her arms. She doesn't let go for a really long time, which means they all sit in jail and Kris shares the pastries they bought from the bake sale.

It's the weirdest tea party they've ever had but its not bad. Not bad at all.

And then Lancer runs off and they have to find him. They meet Rouxls Kaard who is apparently Lancer's lesser dad. Gee Lancer. How come your Dad lets you have two dads.  _Snrk_. Susie is surprisingly good at flattering. Things go well up until they meet the king and Kris finds themself deeply empathizing with Susie's method of biting off faces. They step up to the plate. They [FIGHT].

It's about halfway through that they realize Susie and Ralsei are looking at them strangely.

"Kris, you say something?" says Susie.

"That wasn't their voice," Ralsei protests.

The red soul falters in its quick movements for half a moment and gets slammed with spades.  _Shit._

"Wow, Kris."

"Kris!"

"Shit," says Kris.

 _Shit_.

The king tries very hard to kill them all which doesn't make good grounds for conversation but still. Communication in friendship and all that.

"You have a  _person_  inside of you?"

"Wow, Kris."

_Susie, shield._

"Alright, alright…not-Kris?"

"Hello!" says Ralsei, with great cheer despite the fact that he's pulling the both of them back from the brink of death with the last of his magic. "I'm Ralsei!"

 _Prince Fluffy,_ they say with incredible gravity.  _You're doing great._

He beams.

They beat the king. He doesn't stay beaten and Kris finds a good outlet for their bottled fury as they rush to shield Susie and manage to slam the edge of their shield into his face. Ralsei casts one last Pacify. The king falls. Lancer crowns himself the Newer And Better King and his coronation is just a tea party, worms provided courtesy of Rouxl Kaard.

When it ends they find themself standing at the edge of a roaring geyser made entirely of darkness and just. Wow. They give it a moment _._

_Its kind of…pretty, isn't it?_

_Yeah_.

And then it's time to home. They hug Ralsei with all their might and promise to come back for cake. Susie is a welcome presence at their side and they find that as they fall into the storage closet and blink away shadows in face of fluorescent lights, they're holding hands. It's grounding after everything that's happened.

They walk out of school and the sun sinks warmth into their body, rivaled only by the warmth that's bubbling inside their chest. Susie squeezes their hand with gentle strength and lets go. Her eyes are bright, hair swept to the side so they can see the entirety of her smile.

"Hey," she says. "Let's come back tomorrow."

They grin back at her.

"You just want Ralsei's cake."

There's laughter in her voice when she replies, "I'll eat yours if you don't want it."

"No way," they scoff and their voice shifts octaves, turns low and smooth. " _I've already called dibs_."

Susie's grin grows and she hauls them up onto her shoulder the same way she did Ralsei, except this time she doesn't launch them like a living missile.

"Oh yeah?" she says. "Think you can take me?"

" _On second thought_  –," and then. "Oh you goddamn!"

Susie's laughter rumbles through their body and they huff indignantly.  _It's called minimizing risk_ , they say and Kris growls back.  _I'll show **you**  risk_.

Susie lets them down at the school's front yard, empty of people this late. They say their goodbyes and walk their separate ways. When Mom calls they pick up with a smile playing at the corners of their lips. They take their time going home. When they get there, Mom's asleep on her chair with a book in her lap. They tiptoe past her and grab one of the knit blankets to cover her with. There's pie in the kitchen but it's too hot to eat and they're full anyways.

They go to bed.

They have a nightmare, snapping teeth in the dark and cold hands on their soul, breaking pieces off one by one.  _You can handle this_ , he says.  _This won't hurt too much_ , he says. But it does. It hurts enough to pull them back to consciousness, halfway off the bed and gasping for breath. Tears sting their eyes and the other drags them forward, body bend over and shaking. The pain is still roaring through them, dragging them down when they drag their soul out of their body with a single, vicious tug and everything goes quiet.

The birdcage slams shut.

Kris shakes in front of it for a long time, the silence in their mind a wound, the loss of them fresh no matter how many times this happens. They reach out and pull the cage into their lap, slumping on top of it so they can feel their souls resonating. Enough time passes that they feel stiff when they get up, setting the birdcage on top of their bed and shuffling off to find food.

They bring the entire pie back with them to the bedroom and eat it all with the lights off and red shadows on the walls flickering in a familiar pattern.  _It's alright_ , they try to project.  _It's all right_.  _We'll get through this_.

The slow pulse of light isn't as good of an answer as their voice in their head but it's enough.

They're enough.


End file.
